Sunday, February 18, 2018

Coloring Pages!


Emily Krueger made a couple of awesome coloring pages for Goodnight Server Room! Click on the links below for high resolution versions. Printing and copying for personal and classroom use is permitted.

High Resolution

High Resolution

Thursday, December 21, 2017

How to Print a Board Book

For a self published author, printing a board book is surprisingly difficult. Here's how I made it work.

For most types of books, printing today is remarkably easy. CreateSpace and similar print-on-demand services allow self published authors to print paperback copies of their work in small quantities without destroying their profit margins. Boutique printers like Lulu offer hardcover prints at workable prices. Almost nobody offers board book printing.

My Board Book: Goodnight Server Room

I considered a handful of board book printers that work with self published authors:

  • Print Ninja - Print Ninja offers overseas printing with U.S. based support.
  • Pint Size Productions - Pint Size productions (printer of Sandra Boynton books) is the only printer I could find that prints in the U.S. 
  • China One Printing - China One offers overseas printing with U.S. based support. Their online presence is much smaller than Print Ninja. 
Here's an overview of the key decision points. Note that these values reflect a snapshot and will change over time. I did not have shipping details for all quantities, so some costs are estimates based on quoted shipping for other quantities. Go directly to the companies for an accurate quote. 

Comparison of estimated unit costs, including shipping


Tip One: Shipping will get you

The table above includes shipping in all unit prices. Print Ninja's shipping costs were particularly high. I made the mistake of planning expenses based on Print Ninja's pre-shipping price, rather than their post-shipping price. They charge nearly $900 to ship 500 books, and over $1,300 to ship 2,000 books. Before making a decision, always check shipping costs.

Books are typically sold wholesale at about 50% of the retail price. That means I could expect to sell a board book like Goodnight Server Room to retailers for about $5.00. If I had opted for a small quantity, I would have had virtually no profit margin. Faced with this constraint, I decided to bite the bullet and order 2,000 copies.

Tip Two: Printing takes a long time 

I opted to use China One Printing. While I had hoped to use a U.S. manufacturer, the higher cost of Pint Size productions ruled them out. China One has an outdated web page and minimal staff, but I decided to trust them based on a recommendation from the author of Goodnight Loon

Printing took a quite a while (even though everything went perfectly). Here's a timeline:
  • August 2nd - Interior and exterior design files transferred
  • August 17th - Interior proof print shipped
  • ~September 1st - Printing begins
  • October 13th - Printing complete
  • November 20th - Book shipment clears U.S. customs
  • November 27th - Book shipment arrives in Minnesota
  • November 28th - I received the books

Tip Three: Get a physical proof

When I opened the boxes of books for the first time, I knew I had absolutely no recourse if the books did not turn out the way I wanted. I had 170 or so KickStarter backers eagerly expecting their books by Christmas and I did not have enough money left over to re-order if there was a problem. Thankfully, I was not too concerned. Why? Because I had paid the extra couple hundred dollars to get a physical proof. 

Printed proof of Goodnight Server Room

China One printed the interior of the book without the board book backing and sent it to me for approval before they printed the real books.

You can buy your own copy of Goodnight Server Room on Etsy!

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Goodnight Server Room is available now!

Order Goodnight Server Room on Etsy!

Yesterday morning I drove to a warehouse in Minneapolis to pick up the books I've been waiting to see since I started this project in the beginning of 2017. My emotions were all over the place as I walked through the door and handed my paperwork to the woman behind the glass plate.

"You need a release order," she said.

I didn't know what a release order was, but it meant I couldn't take my books home yet. Dejected, I got back in the car and drove to work, hoping I hadn't run into an unexpected expense or customs snafu.

I went to work and told my coworkers, "I feel like I'm running a ponzi scheme. I've been promising these books for so long, and so many people have trusted me with their money. I want to fulfill these promises."

Two hours later I got an email that the paperwork had been finished and the books were now available to pick up. I raced to my car and headed back to the warehouse. This time she handed me a new form and sent me into the loading area to get them. I watched for ten minutes as a forklift driver raced around with other cargo before my turn came.

I grabbed the first box and cut it open, not knowing what to expect. I'd seen pictures of the finished books, but I had no way to know that these boxes were correct, undamaged, and ready to release. I cut the tape with my multitool and felt a rush of relief. The books looked great!

Two dock workers helped me load the boxes into my van, which sat much lower to the ground that it had before. I went back to the car and snapped a few photos before going on my way.



Thursday, October 26, 2017

Halloween Post: Exoskeletree

I wrote most of this piece while camping at Jay Cooke State Park. It's channeling a bit of Edgar Allan Poe and Stephen King, so the themes are a little more mature than usual. 


Exoskeletree


Why Jenny why dad shouts across the China I’m just trying to eat to let it go but no no no a scratch the car it's just too far he slaps his wife she grabs a knife.

Eyes low just let it go just four more years of screaming quiet tears of dreaming of a life without this stuff money's great but it's too late for cash to save us I'll behave just four more years just four more tears just four more put it down now put it down it's just a Bentley it costs a cent he charges for her slams the door her screaming muted he turns to me.

My room's too easy imagine barging in to see the scrawny kid who should have hid so down go down into to basement to the place meant for forgetting past the cellar down to the well or maybe deeper with the creepers in the cold search for gold long abandoned find the dead end boy and hide.

The spider tickles on my hand her body dancing from the sand a proper lady killing ants here in the dark it's hard to see but I'm not worried she knows me I love it here away from light away from fear.

The house is quiet let out a sigh it's good to see you creepy crawlies on the wall he's out but I'll be back near every night they have a fight so I'll be here against the stone cold and alone but for you creepers silent keepers of this sanctuary scratching sliding where he cannot help but let me be.



This anger’s stronger than before it’s hard to see now what’s in store he found the letter that'll get her on the run it might be done she found a lawyer boy her blood must be thick his third wife won't get rich so run get out so dodge the couch and out the door third wife no more.

It's just us dad I feel you can't you trust I'm on your side just wait and listen I know she's not like Mom just let her go and let's move on too angry too much wine fury's target now it's mine he raised hand and stumbles stand and fight no not tonight down the hall toward creepy crawlies close behind a breath is all he's missing grabs for me but keeps on missing down the stairs and in the dark he follows.

Stumble trip and tumble in the dark it keeps him humble this place is mine now hear that rumble door closing darkness oozing through the cracks this is my black you best turn back.

He keeps coming without fear he brought a light this time he's near keeping running deeper down away from sound of scratching father getting farther in the backness of the blackness of my lair spider tickles on my hair she's on its ends knows my fear and tries to lend something here to stop the tears but then she leaves where's she going sound is growing.

But then he screams the selfish tyrant flashlight gleams and then falls silent. Spider returns across the sand and perches happy upon my hand.

Is he sleeping is he dying hold my breath listen for death but silence seeping through the blackness he’s not creeping on his back just sack meat and bones relax just check his pulse and then get out.

Spider crawls up on my shoulder so I lift a hand to hold her crawling forward toward my fear but it’s ok ‘cause spider’s here reach out into the sand did he fall here it’s where he landed ground is empty wet and cold did he get up while in fold of venom seeping cold inside him no that can’t have been it he was here for just a minute I heard him call I heard him fall then a scratch against the wall.

Eyes open try to see what’s on the stones in beside of me no father’s bones what could it be a tiny wing begins to flutter lean in get closer but her spider’s finger on my chest tells me it’s best to let it rest just go up and we’ll move on it’s OK your father’s gone.

No I need to know what’s going on what did you do where has he gone brush her off onto the ground to skitter off without a sound reach out a finger hear him crawl onto my hand from off the wall held to the light so I can see my tiny dad in front of me.

His human body’s been transformed a shiny thorax now has formed his balding head has sprouted horns his scrawny legs outstretched like thorns but it’s him I know it’s him I’ll show it’s him look right there can’t you tell it’s got his ears and nose and chin as well.

But my fury’s burning rightly close my hand to hold him tightly fear was mine descending nightly I can end this now I’ll squish him stomp him smash him into nothing worthless trash I shout out crushing tiny body down it slides out of my hand into a dive I raise my leg one final step.

Stop and waiting should I kill him rage abating pick him up inside debating this ends my cares take him upstairs box him up keep him up and we’ll make up we’ll make amends and we’ll be friends.

There’s a nibble on my thigh a tiny bite I’m shrinking I can hardly hold my father fingers shrinking into stringers floor is rising am I dying I feel new limbs I can’t hold him slipping further toward the spider.

She walks up close this time my size her spider face I recognize the truth at hand at last uncovered the tiny bite was from my mother didn’t die just had to flee now spider beetle and flea a reunited family.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Goodnight Server Room Lecture

Here's a talk I gave about the history, motivation, and execution of Goodnight Server Room.


Saturday, July 1, 2017

Ranking my Kids' Toys by Utility


We're re-finishing our basement. It's a dusty job and my three year old frequently wants to help. I gave him the job of sweeping, and soon discovered his broom was often more useful than mine.

I went through his toys and determined their practical usefulness to an adult. Everything in this list is plastic or cloth unless explicitly noted.

I don't have
  • Sifter
As useful as mine
  • Cups
  • Broom
  • Guitar
  • Metal Hammer
  • Scissors
  • Buckets
Less useful than mine
  • Plastic Hammer
  • Spoons, Forks, Knives, Plates
  • Tape Measure
  • Ruler
  • Flashlight
  • Tent
  • Shovel
  • Drums
  • Pliers
  • Screwdriver
  • Bike/Trike
Useless
  • Drill
  • Food
  • Trucks/Cars
  • Computer
  • Stuffed Animals
  • Jackhammer
  • Saws (Jigsaw, hacksaw, hand saw)
We share
  • Legos

Friday, June 23, 2017

An Android Convert with an iPhone

I'm a couple of months into iPhone ownership. The honeymoon period is over, so it's time for a review.

Summary


The iPhone 7 is stable. This was my primary goal in switching from Android, and Apple has held up their end of the bargain. I used to have to restart my LG G3 every day or two to keep it from slowing down. In weeks of continuous uptime I have yet to notice a slowdown in the iPhone.

Now that we've gotten the headline out of the way, it's time to air some grievances.  If you know fixes for these, let me know!

Features I Miss


Automatic contact lookup by dialing (e.g., dial 5-6-7 to start autocompleting J-O-R and suggest the contact "Jordan").

Swipe typing is not available natively. I don't trust non-standard keyboards, since they get all of the text I enter.

Notifications are Inconsistent


When viewing from the lock screen, users dismiss notifications by swiping left and pressing "clear". When viewing pop-up notifications from an application window, users swipe up to dismiss the notification.

Icon Arrangement is Frustrating


When you remove or rearrange applications on the iPhone, you can't just move one at a time. The icons stack, so if you remove one the others all move into the unoccupied space. When I've gotten used to a particular app in a certain spot in my home screen, it's really frustrating to have to rearrange my home screen just because I removed an app.

Touch tone Interfaces are Unintuitive

Pushing these keys will leave you confused and angry


During an active call, the iPhone typically darkens the display. When prompted to "press a key to make a selection" the obvious next step is to unlock the display and press the "phone" icon. However, pressing buttons at this point does not send touch tone signals. During an active call pressing the "phone" icon still tries to initiate a new call, rather than connecting you to the active call.

Cross-App Launching is Limited


If I click on a Washington Post link in Facebook, I want to launch the Washington Post app (for which I have a paid account). Instead of opening the Washington Post app (or even prompting me to decide what to launch) I'm stuck using a web browser within Facebook that is not associated with my Washington Post account.

Sharing is Limited


I frequently want to send a web link to my wife. I send lots of texts with Google Voice, and perplexingly Google Voice does not appear as a sharing option. Similarly, uploading to Google Drive does not appear as an image sharing option either.

Inconsistent Back Button Locations

The back button is in the upper left, then it becomes a camera, then it moves to the upper right


I think the thing I miss most from Android is the back button. Since iOS has no standard back button, applications get to put it wherever they want. They can hide it, or in Facebook's case, even move it around.